Reflection

To deny myself a part of me... where would I be if I did that?
Is it better to imagine myself as a person without problems, or to realize that I've had problems which I've solved?
I might not be the person who I was before, but I need to realize that I was that person, and that I no longer am.
Can I create, or invent a new me, if an entire life so far has already created me as I am?
I'm the main character in the middle of my story, not a sketch I can make up and drop into it. The main character can't suddenly change out of nowhere.
Should I just deny the product of eighteen years and try to make myself what I want to be, or should I realize that I am closer to being what I want be than ever before? and that I'm getting even closer?

If I deny myself a part of me, an unpleasant memory and the events that led up to it, then I'm denying myself everything that I've learned from it. If I dismiss everything about it, the unpleasant memory and the events leading up to it, as bad, then what about the good stuff? It may not have ended in butterflies, rainbows and sunshine, but that doesn't mean that there never was any.

Like a child who gets told not to do something, but not why, I learn a lesson which I shouldn't have.

The child learns to avoid punishment, rather than the act they got punished for. I learned to avoid Taylor and anyone who reminds of her; I should have learned to avoid the action which led to the ending of the butterflies, rainbows and sunshine. Oh, and there were puppies too. Happy, excited puppies, wagging their tails.

I realize that I've been avoiding the puppies, rainbows, butterflies and sunshine, in an attempt to avoid the ending of them. Although... all good things come to an end. I suppose that it is better to have had puppies and lost them then it is to have never had puppies at all.